The Separate Lives of Couples

Have you seen the new show on NBC Thursday nights, Perfect Couples?  It’s a comical look at the lives of 3 very different couples.  Last week the show addressed couples having separate activities.  It got me thinking how does having a ‘separate life’ from your spouse/significant other affect your relationship.  Let me be clear and define ‘separate life’ to mean activities, events, travel with friends, family, or alone that you enjoy without your spouse, but with your spouse’s knowledge.  Not a secret life hidden from your other half. 

My husband, aka Bond, and I have been married for almost one year.  Prior to that we were a couple for about a year and half.  We have two dogs and no children.  So Obviously my opinion is based on limited facts and circumstance, but I think it is important to have a life outside of your life as a couple.  The common interests you share as a couple are important to building a lasting relationship, but so is individuality. 

Bond and I love to spend time together and have plenty of common interests.    We also have separate interests and activities we enjoy.  Bond loves baseball.  While I enjoy a good day at a baseball park or watching the World Series, I cannot watch baseball mid-season, Saturday afternoon, on television and keep my eyes open.  Bond also enjoys a day at the golf course while I am more of a windmill girl.  I love a good chick flick, or a bad one to be honest.  Somehow a cheesy love story is not the same with Bond’s practical real world commentary.  I also enjoy scrapbooking and cheese tasting, but Bond considers these to be a slow, grueling form of torture. 

Compromising on an activity to do together or taking turns deciding what the next couple activity will be is a valid approach.  But at some point you have to be able to do the things that make you happy.  In a healthy relationship your spouse should want you to have activities you love and that make you happy, even if they don’t want to be a part of them. Life is too short to miss out on the things you love because someone else doesn’t.   

Do you have separate activities from your spouse/significant other? What are they?